Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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