every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
