Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
