what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
