My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
