So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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