Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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