well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
