can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
