is this the sara with the beer cane?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
