it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
