I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
