I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
