She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
