I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
