I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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