atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You made out with two different species that night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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