i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
