Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
