I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
