I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My feet surprised me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
