Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
