I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
