HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
