so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
should my penis look like a turkey
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
