So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
