mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
