the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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