Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
