And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
