At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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