grandma shit on top of the toilet
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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