Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
