I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
