were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
