I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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