I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
