dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
