i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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