after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
