This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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