i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
