if i died would you start the facebook group?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
whose parrot is this?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
