Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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