Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
