I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
