I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
