Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
