So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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