Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
