I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
